I stand there, on the edge of grace — and I take a step back, two steps, three steps. I am known by the state of my heart now: failure, spelled with a capital FAIL. My soul crumbles, for the weight of failure is only heavy. It’s hard to breathe.
I call out an excuse, blame my tiredness but I know that the failure is mine. I should be rather calling out selfishness. But I know what also lurks behind there, in the darkness. Fear. It masks itself behind impatience, those moments of anger sparking up and attacking myself.
I cry out in a moment of shame, a moment of sorrow. Though I have failed a thousand times, it still hurts just as much as it did the first time. But I remind myself that failure has to be no longer my name. Because here comes a story of grace.
Here: A Story of Grace
This once, I can be brave and choose what is right: to take a posture of repentance, the one where saints grow closer to God. This posture that scrapes knees until they bleed raw. Yet each moment, a heart bleeds less. It is being woven back together.
So I walk back, to the edge of grace and I realize, quite humbly, that I have been there all along. I am tracing that edge with each step. And I see it then, this miracle that begins to deep into the strings of my soul. All along, I was standing at the edge of glory, in the presence of the Almighty God.
My knees are scraped again as I bow down, knowing the wretched sinner that I am. Not worthy to be in the presence of God, not now or ever. And yet, here — the miracle that precedes all. By a broken a heart, mine is made new. By a soul bent to do the will of God, my selfish wreck of a one is being bent to leave behind my selfishness and take on these white robes. For a moment, I rip at my seams, all this shame and sorrow and pain flushing over me.
But then I see. I see once again the truth behind this story of grace. I get a new heart. A new story. The same Love meets me here as it always does. All is different, yet nothing is different.
Though I would like this to be a story of once in a lifetime, I know it is not. We will meet here again the next day, the next hour, probably the next minute. So this story of grace will be told, once again for this wrecked soul of mine.
GraceFull Tuesday Link-Up
Welcome to GraceFull Tuesday Link-Up once again! This week I’m traveling in Sweden so I don’t have much time to leave comments, though I will be reading your posts as much as I can. Be blessed and encouraged as you share this space with one another!