Yesterday. It was a Monday, after a night of not enough sleep. Tired Monday, tired mind, tired heart — because the busyness of this past season is catching up on me.
Yesterday, I was losing my voice in the morning. It was all raspy, like I had been smoking and drinking for the last 40 years. As a speech therapist, that’s not exactly the ideal thing to happen.
Yesterday, I was pondering upon and praying about some ministry matters. What I should continue doing? What I should maybe let go of? It takes a lot of prayer — but with prayer comes inspiration. Ideas. A calling. Mission.
All this put together, yesterday was a hard day. There was a lot of spiritual warfare. As it turns out, I am quite sensitive to spiritual warfare right now. It easily wrecks havoc in my mind. It has me discouraged, thoroughly discouraged. The “let me just go and stop being” type of discouraged. I wanted to be invisible, to stop just being — well, to stop being this.
But in the midst of this battle, God reminded me to put my perspective right. It’s not easy — not with a heavy heart and a tired soul. But just because I stop seeing the gifts of grace, doesn’t mean that they are not there.
So in the afternoon, a client came in. I laid out all I had — this weary mind grasping for all I had, to give him all I had. To help this precious child, to encourage and support. I’m not great at what I do. But I know enough to help, am creative enough to push my boundaries and work on the levels that my clients need me to. Only by God’s grace, I do it in love.
So this boy walked in, walked into my tired and hard Monday afternoon with his sweet mom. Before we began, she nudged him a little and said, “Hey, don’t forget.” So there I was, still for a moment to see what he didn’t want to forget.
A gift. He pulled out small gift.
A tealight holder that he had crafted on his own. It had a beautiful, golden heart on it. This boy, had spent his time crafting this small gift for me — and in all honesty, it meant just about the world to me. A golden heart, was what he gave. Along with some peppermint candies, striped red and white, and I couldn’t help but think of the candy cane story. To think of the story of Jesus. How He bled raw for me, so I would be white as snow.
That moment, was just enough to lighten my heart. To help me through the day, walking with the weary heart and a tired soul — but now reminded of the never-ending love, the grace that covers me, the hope I have of eternity.
Love speaks, in a million ways. And sometimes the smallest things, the smallest gifts — are the ones that matter the most. Especially on Mondays.
I came to think of it, too. How a week ago someone walked up to me at church and said, “Hey, I want to say something to you. I’ve been meaning to say this for a while now.” How I had been preparing myself a little bit, having no idea what was to come and thinking how probably I had done something wrong.
“You are so faithful. I see it.”
Those two sentences? They suddenly gave meaning and purpose, in this season where I have been wondering about both of those. Whether what I do matters. Whether it is time to call it in. But it seems like these choices we make, the small ones and the big ones? They are seen. And they impact people, for the good or for the bad. That’s for us to choose.
What is it that you are looking for today? Christmas present ideas? Meaning? A way out of this confusion? Rest and peace?
It is found in Jesus. Everything is always found in Jesus.