How Can I Make New Friends? GraceFull Tuesday Link-Up

How Can I Make New Friends?

I am not the greatest friend-maker-person in the world. Or in this city. Barely even in this apartment, and it is just me here. I’m an introvert and therefore I don’t make friends by default.

However, I seem to be friendly and approachable enough that I make it look like I get friends easily. So I hear this question — and I relate to it so much every single time. Because making new friends isn’t necessarily easy. It can be so much fun, yes. But sometimes it can be hard, too. And it takes time. Still I think it is vital for us to have friends — and also to be making new friends from time to time. So how can we make new friends?

How Can I Make New Friends?

Honestly, the first step to making new friends is stepping out of your comfort zone. Now, stepping out of your comfort zone isn’t easy or comfortable at all, I know. But it is so worth it, I promise.

I find that a church is, in a way, a good place to get to know new people. School can be such a place as well. I would recommend just “checking out” some people for a few times and if they seem nice, go and ask if you could hang out some time. But don’t leave it at that. If they say yes, make a plan right away. Otherwise it probably won’t happen. So make a date right away — preferably only a week or two away so that you don’t have time to get too scared.

One thing, though? You can’t build a friendship just hanging out one time. It takes commitment and time — but again, it really is worth it. So you need to hang out with someone for quite a few times for the friendship to develop.

Now, if you get anxiety or tired easily, I would recommend going out somewhere the first time. Like suggest grabbing a cup of coffee. There you can be done with your coffee as soon as you want, so you know you have a “way out” when you need it. But when you first get that feeling that you want to leave? Stick for 20 minutes longer. See what that does. I find things often get better then.

What Kind Of People Should I Make Friends With?

This, this is quite important as well. Because I find we easily get this image in our minds of what we want our friends to be like. They should be just like us, and like the same exact things as we do. They should always understand us, and support us no matter what we do.

But honestly? Friends don’t have to be exactly the same as you are. They don’t have to be in the same season of life as you are. I’m still single but many of my friends are married and even have kids. I really love that. I go to an international church so many of my friends come from other countries and cultures. I love that, too.

Also, think about this. I really am somewhat of an (extroverted) introvert. Many of my friends are extroverts. I honestly kind of need that because they reach out to me, suggesting to hang out. So don’t search out for the one person who is exactly like you are. There are so many wonderful people out there.

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12 Comments

  1. I find that I like an eclectic variety of friends. The more varied my group of friends (both in blogging and real life) the more different points of view and experiences I get to experience. Good luck making new friends, I hope you find some people to connect with!

  2. I love that we both shared about friendship today! It can be a difficult subject for sure! I relate to the ease of being friendly, but the challenge of making friends. Sometimes I think I’m an introverted extrovert or no, no, no that should be an extroverted introvert. Or something like that!

  3. When I came home after I had my baby I was so isolated. There was no one on my street at home. I would go to the park but never really connected with anyone. Then I went to a Christian conference about homeschooling. I sat by a woman who asked me some questions and told me about a once a month park day of committed homeschooling moms. I never saw this woman again but I went to that park day and made some friends. Yay, we had friends 1 day a month! : ) But then some of the ladies gradually invited me to other outings and with 2 of them I am still good friends to this day. Park day ceased a few years ago but us moms get together at my house for a book club and chat about homeschooling. However, the majority of the women I have met over the years have moved away, and we have lost touch. I’ve invited dozens of people to our book night, but rarely do we get a new person, people are so busy. I just figure that when they need us the Lord will lead them to us, and that I need to be extra friendly to people because you never know who will be your new friend for life.

    1. I’m so glad you found such a community, Janine, even if it was just for a season! It’s hard when people move away, as that keeps happening over time. I hope the Lord will lead some wonderful women your way when the timing is right!

  4. It seems our society is making it harder to make friends, so I think it’s great that you’ve addressed this. People are losing the skill of face-to-face interaction. Stepping out of your comfort zone is definitely key. And I would add to that: Letting go of expectations. Sometimes we miss out on a friendship because we give up when things to happen they way we expect, or when it takes more time or effort than we expect. Or the person isn’t who we expected them to be. My husband would say, “Just go with it.” See what happens. Enjoy the journey.

    1. That’s such a great point, Jana! People rarely behave exactly how we would like them to behave after all… and we lose so much if that’s why we give up on a friendship!

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