“And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:30-31)
Dear one — I confess, I never had any answers or words for this one, no matter how many days afterwards I thought of that question. No matter how much I prayed. That one question, the one you asked me once late at night, a storm brewing behind your eyes and your voice cracking with all that shame, all that guilt you were carrying, had been carrying for a while now. How do you love God when all it brings with it is pain and suffering? How do you love God with all your heart when love feels like a betrayal, the sacrifice requiring more than you have to give?
I know it feels like you are losing it all now, dear one — your heart bleeding out with every beat and the weight of all that you are not heavy on your shoulders. But you are not losing your heart; you are not broken beyond everlasting love. Your heart is beating, and it is bleeding with every beat that is tuned to that love dwelling in the depths of your heart. Yet, it is only needed because this is what our hearts were created for: to keep on beating to have that blood flow to the other parts of our body and what is bleeding now, is only bringing that hope rising into your heart to everywhere else.
Beloved, this is no easy thing — and He knows. He knows this. Because true love is always self-sacrificial, and loving with our whole hearts means giving everything that we have, to be used and to be broken and to be shared. Love will always break our hearts; just so that we can give pieces of our heart to those who carry fractured hearts gaping with holes, needing these pieces to make them whole, to cover those aching hollows of their soul. All these pieces now, are gathered together and mended whole in the hands of our Savior.
” Trust in Him at all times, you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us.” (Psalm 62:8)
So bring your everything to Him, dear one. Bring your heart, and all that is within you — dreams and desires, fears and faults, weaknesses and worries, concerns and cares. Pour out all that is in your heart and wait on Him. Let your soul quiet down in the midst of all the sorrows and trials, all your pain brokenness. Wait on Him, for He is a refuge and a safe place, that quiet rest found in His arms. Wait on Him; listen to the echo of His voice that is in the beating of your heart.
All that is in your heart? He knows. He knows. That desire to have more of Him and less of you. All the times you are weighed down by your failures to draw closer to Him. Let it go now. Know that He has your heart; that He carries your sorrows and shame, and He is making something incredibly beautiful out of all this. So come to him, beloved. Pour out your heart to Him, and all that is within you. Leave them at the foot of the cross, knowing that every sin has been paid for and you are as white as snow. Fix your eyes on Jesus, center your heart on the beautiful scandalous grace pour out.
All sacrifice will come with a cost, should come with a cost. But know that this, the breaking of your heart — is only so that it can be made into something more beautiful, that other hearts can be mended whole. And in the hands of our God? The sacrifice of giving your heart, will start the unfolding of a story of amazing grace.