I sat there watching the forest shine in the tender, bright afternoon sun and I couldn’t help but wonder, how often I had been here — watching the beauty of God unfold around me while my heart was breaking. It seems that this happens often lately, like I am barely able to catch my breath between the breaking of my heart. I knew that moment so well. The one when the world stills for a moment, when time stops and the world quiets down. It is in the quiet of those moments that you heart the sound of your heart breaking, the echo of the pain loud.
I keep thinking if I should tell you a story of a year of heartbreak. But even now I wonder if I am telling this story too soon. It is, after all, a story of a year of two break-ups, of abuse of all kinds, of witnessing the unexpected divorce of one’s parents, of watching a sister’s health crumble down, of watching loved ones walk away from the Lord. It has been a year of many unexpected broken moments.
Even now, I watch the glorious light pierce through the moment of silence like a reminder of hope. The echo of the pain is loud; the wounds are still open and I wonder, how much a heart can hold. But the truth is that even now, I sit here with a heart that has been held together by the One who made it. After all this I can still say: He was here with me. He is here with me now.
This is a heart-breaking world
Friend, what broke your heart? What did you lose? Did you lose a loved one — a family member or a close friend? Did you lose the baby, the job, the house, the opportunity you had been praying for? Were you rejected, betrayed? Did he break up with you, walk away for someone else? Did you watch your dream, your reality fall apart because of circumstances you never saw coming?
Maybe right now it feels like your heart gets broken again and again. I know, friend. I am walking there too. Or maybe it is the same pain, the one that stretches you thin as the wounds keep reopening time and time again. I am with you there, friend. It seems so painful, these wounds never healing and turning into scars. Maybe this was unexpected, the surprise accompanying the pain making it all the greater. I know the pain, the way it pierces through your heart.
I am sorry, friend. I so wish I could take away your pain. But I know God is doing something great behind all this.
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
God can carry your pain
It comes with every season of heartbreak, this question: how do I live with a broken heart? Do I have what it takes to carry with me a heart that is so bruised and hurt? Most often, the echo of pain drowns all the answers. I never asked the question why. For some reason I am like that. But I worry, and I keep worrying until I am reminded of the sin of worrying.
“Hearts are broken in ten thousand ways, for this is a heart-breaking world; and Christ is good at healing all manner of heart-breaks.” (Charles Spurgeon)
Friend, I can tell you this. No matter how your heart hurts right now, Christ is able and willing to heal your heart. He can hold your broken heart together, gently in His scarred hands when it all feels like it is coming apart. He can do this because His heart knows the pain and brokenness so well. In all, He loves you just the same. You might feel like He does not love you. It might feel like He is a thousand miles away. But I keep thinking of the broken read to Calvary, the weight of the heavy cross on the shoulders of Jesus — and I know, He can carry my pain. He can carry your pain, too.
“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13 NLT)
You are not alone.