How To Connect With The Women Around You

Have you felt the need to connect with others around you more? Are you lonely, looking for more friends?

I have been an introvert all my life. All through my childhood and teenager years, I was a major introvert. Social gatherings often came with anxiety, and I had only a few close friends. Throughout the years, however, God has changed me bit by bit.

How To Connect With The Women Around You

Some if it I can see coming from my studies: being a speech therapist makes you want to connect with people on a level they are able to do it. You are always seeking ways to better connect with people, to communicate with them better, and to help them communicate with you better. I think God is also changing my heart for ministry’s sake. I am an encourager at heart and I want to help, edify, and encourage those around me. As I am growing more in putting my gift into use, God is giving me a heart that wants to reach out to people and connect with them.

I have found, though, that so many of us women wish that others would want to reach out to us and connect with us. We feel lonely — at home and at church. We feel like we are lacking friendships that build us and encourage us. So we wish and pray that something would happen, yet it rarely does. And I think that is because no one of us is taking the first step in connecting with one another.

So instead of wishing that things would change, that others would change — maybe it is time for us to change? Maybe it is time for us to learn to reach out to others and connect with them?

Tips On How To Connect With Others

Be interested in them.

Some of us are introverts; others are extroverts. That affects our need or desire to communicate and spend time with others. But I am sure that all of us want to spend time with those people who are actually interested in us. So consider this. Why do you want  to connect with this person? Is it so that they would encourage you, help you, admire you or edify you? Or is it because you like this person? Because you want to be friends and learn more about them?

Choose them. 

Pursue a friendship with them: be ready to put time and effort into this person for a season. Be ready to get uncomfortable in pursuing them and asking them to hang out with you time and time again. Someone always has to take the first step; so maybe risk it out and be the person to do that.

However, be wise and gracious in choosing the people. We easily fall into choosing people who are like us — whether it is in age, personality, family situations or work. What if you challenged yourself to choose someone you would not normally choose? Maybe choose an older person to sit down with and have a coffee with them. If you are married, maybe you could choose a single person. If you are an introvert, maybe choose that loud extrovert.

Reach out in small ways.

Depending on our current life circumstances, some of us can honestly be crazy busy right now. I know I will be going into a season of working in a city two hours up north during the weeks, only to drive down home for the weekends to be in ministry. I cannot meet people during the week, simply because I will not be here. But this doesn’t stop me from reaching out in smaller ways.

There are so many small ways you can reach out, that do not take more than 10-15 minutes out of your day. Maybe send a text message to ask how you can pray for them — and then actually pray and tell them what you prayed. You could call them, spending 10-15 minutes just to ask how their day has been and if there is something you can pray for. Send a postcard or a letter to let them know that you’re thinking about them. Send a photo to share something about your day, to let them feel more connected with you.

Ask questions about their life and follow up.

Asking questions can come quite easily to us, especially if the other person is fairly new to us. What do they do with their life? How is their family? When did they get saved? Have they gone to other churches than the current one? What is important, however, is to follow up with some questions. If they share about something where there are concerns, make sure that you keep asking about that matter again. If they share a prayer request, ask if God has answered the prayer.

Questions To Ask To Connect

I started leading a women’s Bible study recently. I know these ladies, I am friends with them. Yet I wanted to know them on a deeper level so that I could connect with them better. So in our first meetings, I asked questions — a lot of them. Ice breakers are great in situations like these. Yet I wanted to ask some difficult questions as well, to truly get to know one another. I, of course, answered these questions myself, and I had not prepared any answers because that would make it quite unnatural.

  1. What is your favorite characteristic of Jesus?
  2. What do others most often misunderstand about you?
  3. How is your devotional time going right now? Do you struggle with Bible study or prayer time?
  4. What do you wish others would do more for you or with you?
  5. Where have you seen God come through for you this week?
  6. How have you grown during the last year?
  7. What is one quality or gift you have that you like?
  8. What theme or topic God is talking to you about in this season?
  9. Is there something you fear that is hard for you to let go?
  10. What are your spiritual gifts?

Do you have any suggestions or ideas for connecting with others? I’d love to hear them! Leave them in a comment below.

Linking up: Monday’s MusingsGood Morning Mondays#MomentsofHopeGlimpses Link Up


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  1. I love the idea of sending out text messages! I think Monday morning after you get Sunday’s bulletin is a great time to check in on those who are sick, those who are traveling etc.

    1. Yes! Monday would be a great time to check in with those who weren’t there at church, just to see how they are doing and whether there is anything we could do for them. Great idea, Helene!

  2. Love these points, Ronja! I’m an outgoing introvert. For as much as I value and need solitude, I love encouraging and diving into real conversations with other people. I think you’re right too- many of us get stuck waiting for others to make the first move. The only thing I can think of to add to your wonderful list at the moment is to check in periodically. Some relationships go months and even years in between contact when they are long distance, and checking in on someone once in awhile establishes a lasting connection.

    1. That is a great point, Bethany! I have quite a few long distance friendships myself and it definitely does good to the friendship to check in on them every now and then.

  3. When I started attending a new church, I expected the people to reach out to me, but no one really did more than surface and small talk for the first 6 months. I realize now that continuing to expect them to reach out to me for another couple of years was unreasonable. Finally, the Lord revealed to me that I was to be the change that I wanted to see in the church. I think a lot of people just need us to set the example because no one ever taught them how to make friends in a new place.
    I love your list of questions! You could really get some good conversations going with these! And for those who have the courage to speak up in the group, it gives the others a chance to be able to hear their heart, and yes, it definitely could break the ice and lead to loving friendships.
    Also, that is a great idea to follow up.

    1. I’m sure many can relate to your story! Especially when we start attending a new church, we hope and expect the people to reach out to us. But I wonder, how many new people there are coming every week and how many of us feel overwhelmed because of it, like we do not have the time to reach out or we don’t know how. It is a great attitude to have, that we need to be the change we want to see in the church. That can, then, inspire others to do the same as well. Thank you for all of these! God bless you!

    1. Thank you, Valerie! Being genuinely interested in other people and how they are is truly to best way to connect in my opinion, too. 🙂 God bless you, my friend!

  4. Good points… there is work involved and it is worth it…. as the Bible says, “A man that would have friends must show himself friendly.”

  5. Dear Ronja, what good and practical ways to connect with women. I, too, am an introvert. It’s frequently hard to reach out to others. I like your idea to even start in small ways. Thanks for encouraging me to step out of my comfort zone.

    1. Thank you, Alice! There are days when I definitely feel my introvertedness. But it is good to start in small ways, to take a small step here and a small step there until we feel more comfortable in reaching out to others. May the Lord bless you as you step out of your comfort zone!

  6. What a practical post! Instead of sitting around waiting for friends to find us we need to take that first step … maybe many. Pinning and sharing so others can benefit.

    1. Thank you, Donna! So true, it is usually better to take many steps rather than just that first step. 🙂 Thank you for this, Donna. God bless you!

  7. I’m an introvert getting ready to move to a new state. I love your suggestions, because they have worked for me before. This was a great reminder of what I need to do to build community. Thank you.

    1. Debbie, I love hearing that these points that I have put down here are ones that you have found to work for you. That is encouraging! I pray that God will bless you as you reach out to others and make the effort to build community in a new state.

  8. Ronja, great advice here. Sometimes we forget that we need to pursue a friend. Make time for friends. They don’t just happen. But friendships are so worth the effort.

    1. Thank you, Theresa! Friendships indeed do not just happen. They need time and effort, but they truly are so worth it all. Thank you for taking the time to comment here, Theresa. God bless you!

  9. Thank you for sharing your questions for connection. I definitely plan to use them. I am currently praying about a bible study for young women. I am asking God to “show me the way,” Psalm 143:8. Please keep me in your prayers!

    1. I’m glad to hear that you think those questions are good ones. Praise God! I will definitely keep you in prayers and I pray that God will lead you to the right place at the right time. God bless you!